The Apprentice's Lament

Master Hector of the Black Height

I served me a Laurel for many a year,

I carded much wool and I brewed skunky beer

But now there’s my Peer lying dead on the floor

And I never shall be an apprentice no more.

And it’s no, nay, never (cite me a source!),

No, nay, never, no more shall I be an apprentice,

No never, no more.

My Laurel took me to a special event;

My last two years’ projects to judging were sent.

They asked me for documents, I told them nay,

“I’ve not tried to research since my high school days.”

And it’s no, nay, never…

I pulled out thick binders with copies to spare;

I showed them my primary source for yak hair.

I answered their questions with footnotes galore,

I boggled their minds and left jaws on the floor.

And it’s no, nay, never…

I won the Queen’s praises and took the first prize,

My Laurel said “WHAT?” and dropped dead from surprise.

So now I am free, with no Peer to inspire:

I hate to wash cars so I can’t be a squire

And it’s no, nay, never (cite me a source!),

No, nay, never, no more shall I be an apprentice,

No never, no more.